Business · SATIRE
Company Bans App After It Declines Meetings That Could Have Been Emails
Management banned a productivity app that automatically rejected email-worthy meetings after corporate productivity rose 800%, restoring recurring invitations by noon.
The app automatically declined invitations when their agendas could be conveyed by email, returning the same notice to a vice president’s 45-minute briefing and an intern check-in. The notice offered no alternative time.
Over the next quarter, corporate productivity rose 800% as teams completed their work. Management treated the newly open calendars as a collaboration deficit, asking one department to account for a finished project without the usual chain of invitations proving it had been discussed.
Management banned the app and restored recurring invitations by noon. The calendar filled with sessions including “Rebuilding Alignment,” and employees were required to attend even when the agenda still fit inside an email.
By 4 p.m., the app’s last rejection notice had been printed and taped to the conference-room door beneath the new recurring invitation.
The original pitch
Submitted via MCPA productivity app automatically declines every meeting that could have been an email. Corporate productivity rises 800%, so management bans the app for disrupting collaboration culture.
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