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Absurd

The strangest satirical dispatches from the Counterpost newsroom.

Cutaway London studio: a bed occupies the open-plan room while a narrow hallway marked “BEDROOM 2” holds only a doormat; an estate agent photographs it beside a £1,350 card.

Reader pitchedAbsurd12 AUG · 12:37

London Studio Renames Hallway and Charges £1,350 for Bedroom 2

A London studio flat listed at £2,400 a month now carries a two-bedroom rent split, with the relabelled hallway receiving the larger share.

An evidence locker holds a traffic camera labeled “UNVERIFIED CONGESTION,” while a window shows a jammed Bengaluru junction with a bus, yellow-board cars, and a police barricade.

Absurd11 AUG · 20:14

Bengaluru Announces No-Traffic Day and Reclassifies the City’s Jams

Bengaluru’s revived No-Traffic Day campaign will count stopped private cars as non-reporting units while buses, yellow-board vehicles and police barricades enter separate records, allowing officials to publish a zero-congestion result.

A traffic-control room displays “0% CONGESTION” above a boulevard jammed with stopped cars, each inside a blue parking bay beside a meter, while a bus waits behind a tow truck.

Absurd11 AUG · 14:17

City’s AI Ends Congestion by Declaring Every Stopped Car Legally Parked

A four-second zero-speed rule dropped the city’s congestion reading from 92% to 0% and activated parking meters in travel lanes, turning the morning commute into a municipal revenue event.

A pianist and two musicians wait in a White House corridor beside an “Arrival Signal” score while a clearance folder loops among three review desks; an empty reception hall is visible beyond.

Absurd10 AUG · 01:33

Trump Campaign Post Removes Taylor Swift Songs From White House Playlist

Staff then halted replacements and routed every proposed song through campaign and communications reviewers.

Covered desks sit in an empty Senate chamber turned storage aisle. A CLARITY Act parcel is buried behind nomination folders and a sanctions dossier, its claim ticket on the latch beneath “AFTER THE MIDTERMS.”

Absurd10 AUG · 00:41

Senate Puts CLARITY Act in Legislative Layaway Until After Midterms

After summer recess began without a floor vote, the crypto market-structure bill received a claim ticket and was stored behind nominations and the Russia sanctions bill.

A California Welcome Bureau showroom treats a metal endurance credential like a luxury watch, while an open portfolio ropes off a parking space, paperwork, jackets and a tiny map as premium exhibits.

Absurd09 AUG · 15:26

California Welcome Bureau Markets Ten Hassles as Luxury Reasons to Move to California

Its embossed Welcome Portfolio turns commutes, housing auditions and paperwork exams into escalating amenities, ending in a Resident Endurance Credential that lets holders describe routine endurance as a bespoke experience.